THE EDUCATION OF JESSICA DUNCAN
Story by AMANDA BEDGOOD
Photos by PENNY MOORE
Makeup by GEENA LeCORGNE with Riverspa
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Jessica Duncan never knew when she would be able to go to college. The excuses, the reasons, the obstacles piled one on top of the other when she finished high school. And they were good ones. The kinds of things that paired with time convince most people that it simply cannot be done or maybe isn’t worth the trouble.
But Jessica Duncan is not one of those people. This busy mother of four, instead, is but two years away from earning her degree and taking 18 hours this semester. She is a study in persevering and positive attitude no matter where you find yourself on the road that is life.
In high school Jessica planned to go to college for nursing. But, at the age of 15 she became pregnant and plans of following the intended path for high school did not happen. She, instead, enrolled in the Genesis program for pregnant students, got married and graduated from high school. And while she was able to finish it was not a simple time for the young Jessica.
“I was overwhelmed, confused,” she says. “But, you don’t regret a baby. You regret the timing. You feel two things about it.”
There were no doubts about keeping the baby and Jessica moved on eventually having another child with her then husband. And in true Jessica form, she may have felt overwhelmed but never felt like her life was over. Instead she pushed forward with what must be her mantra – “here we go.”
It’s her attitude about many things. She has learned that life is less about controlling and creating boundaries and more about going with the flow.
“Take it as it comes,” she says of life. “What else are you going to do? You don’t have much of a choice. Life goes on either way.”
She says people may have discounted her as a pregnant teenager, but it was never something she dwelt on.
“I didn’t analyze it or take it to heart,” she says.
Jessica and her first husband eventually parted ways and she began dating a friend – Craig Duncan. Both came to the relationship with two children each. They married and later two more children would join them. And so like many families the Duncans are a blended brood. (Faith, 5, Landon. 7, Bailey, 10, Devin, 10, Christina, 12 and Samantha Rose, 16) Four of the children live with the Duncans, one lives with them every other week and Craig’s oldest daughter lives out of state.
“It’s not as crazy as some might think,” she says with a laugh noting that it’s about planning and perspective. “Organization, schedules and routines. It does get hectic. But, if you’re laid back like my husband and I are, it works.”
Add to the mix the reality of a blended family and there are many dynamics at play in the Duncan home. It’s a balancing act Jessica says. And it’s one with which she is familiar thanks to her childhood. Jessica was the eldest girl in her family and served as a stand in mother often with her own mom busy working and eventually (just as Jessica is now) going back to school herself.
“I was the mini mom,” she says with a laugh. And it was a role she enjoyed.
Including stepbrothers and sisters there were three brothers and three sisters as she grew up. Jessica has known since her youth about the dynamics of stepparents and siblings and it’s something she works hard at today in her own home. She says it’s crucial to remember children do not see things as adults do.
“You have maternal feelings for a child that’s not yours. It’s hard to find the line,” she says. “The boundary is invisible. No matter how much a child likes a stepparent there is a kind of guilt the child feels. I felt that as a child.”
Jessica says her stepdad was there for everything growing up and yet there was a kind of wall she put up as a child. She knows these complications are part of life, but being aware they exist is half the battle. And so she makes an effort that in the Duncan home they do whatever they can for the children to not be the ones who bare the complications of a blended family.
“You do what you can to help them through,” she says.
“When you raise a child, whether they are yours or not, you want the world for this child,” she says.
Ultimately she says the goal is to make sure the kids know they come first.
Three years ago Jessica laid aside any excuses and began her education anew. She enrolled in UL for early childhood education. She had worked in everything from retail to being a receptionist – “whatever was available.”
After her last daughter was born it became clear that none of the jobs were worth what she would earn after doling out the money for daycare. She eventually opened a daycare in her home, which is what led to her ultimately choosing early childhood education.
Once her mind was made up about what she wanted to pursue she felt determination more than anything.
“I knew it would not be the easiest. But, nothing worth doing is. So I just did it.”
Jessica often hears people who can’t understand how she does it. But, for Jessica it was a matter of wanting it more than she wanted the excuses.
“You just do it. To get things done you have to stop giving excuses and just do it,” she says.
It’s an attitude she must have garnered from her own mother, who went back to school to be a teacher when Jessica was in middle school. It’s an example that clearly had great impact on a young Jessica.
“If my mom hadn’t gone back and set the example for me I don’t know if I could have,” she says.
And she hopes going back to school will have the same effect on her own children. She says in addition to raising children well school will be her greatest accomplishment.
“That’s part of raising your kids well,” she says noting they learn more from action than word.
While her road to college wasn’t an easy one, surely knowing the path was difficult will be that greater of an example to her children.
“I don’t want them to have to do it this way. If they end up in my situation I don’t want them to think it’s the end and they have to have a hard life,” she says. “I want them to know they can turn it around.”
If her children know one thing Jessica hopes it is this – there are no boundaries.
“The sky is the limit. I want them to make healthy choices, to not let things get in the way.”
Being a mother while it might seem like a deterrent to some is a tremendous motivator for Jessica in school. And having a partner in the effort has made all the difference, she says of Craig (who is also heading back to college part time to also be a teacher).
“Having that support system makes me able to focus and continue,” she says.
She knows, after all, that what she’s working to earn is something that will not only better the lives of those in that support system, but it will be something no one can ever take away from her. And while Jessica is proud of her choice, it’s evident she’s not trying to prove anything to anyone. She’s merely doing the best she can and taking life as it comes.
“You do your best to find a way. To do whatever you can to the best of your ability,” she says. “I’m proof it can be done.”
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